ORCK,

Sorry, I had to take the site down, I can't have it up knowing that you don't want to make those selfies happen as much as I do.

It is also hard for me to have you on my homescreen. Every time I am out and about, I look at my phone, I see you and imagine you seeing what I see and having the time of your life.

I really enjoyed the call yesterday, even though I went to bed at 6 am and missed my train the next day. Maybe let's not do that again.

I wanted to give you some more reassurance for things you said yesterday:

You were never a project to me, I just hear that you want to do something or appear a certain way and then try my best to keep you accountable to yourself. I may have come on too strong in certain spots, but it was from a good place.

I'm not here for the chase or the challenge, I am here for you. We had each other for such a long time, and that was more than enough for me. If I just wanted attention or sex, I wouldn't have shown up with flowers in Camden

You saying to me on that escalator that I am the only person who could be with you, and me liking that was not me saying that no one but me could love you. It just made me feel really heard and that you knew everything you made me feel was valid. Sometimes you are not the best at sitting me down with an apology without me saying something first, and try to explain things away, making it seem like your feeling are more important them mine.

Anyway,

The most important reason I wanted you to come to Japan was to work on things, have some time away from everyone, rekindle and move forward while making memories that we would have forever in such a different and beautiful country.

I could show you how sorry I was, how things would change in the future.

You could have shown me that you were sorry and how you would take better care of me.

Not just words but actions.

You got me so excited when you started telling me about all the cool things we would do and how you would put your head on my shoulder on the train back.

I really needed you to choose me, especially after telling you that I was struggling here and that you hadn't made me feel heard or prioritised when I was struggling before.

I was ready to sacrifice so much to take that leap of faith for you, but I understand why you would be hesitant to do the same for me.

Just promise me that if we make it, we will make sacrifices for each other and that one day you will try as hard as I have to get us here.

This is the last I'll say about it.

I really want us the move forward and talk about other things as well as have a better routine. We could even build a little house in Minecraft? As long as you get all your stuff done first!

I know you are really busy (but not so busy that you couldn't post one thing to me in 5 weeks when I made it my priority since it was your idea ;) ), but if you want to talk to me, you should, even for 5 minutes.

I'll probably tell my supervisor about coming back early on Friday, so if you have a change of heart and want to visit the largest art and craft store in the world (12 floors for paints, brushes and canvas) or the cell specialisation exhibit at the science museum with me, let me know before then. I'm not hoping for anything, just make the choice that makes you the happiest. That's all that matters.

Haha, sorry, THAT is the last thing I'll say on it.

You have a tough time coming up with work. You will be fine as long as you remember that you are HER!

Good luck,

Love,

Stinky

p.s. It is going to be a while before I can do all those dirty things to you, I can't wait ;)

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